Brighter And Shinier...

Dear Darkness,

Tonight you are banished, it's time to spring forward. Sky is bluer, clouds are fluffier, sun is brighter, there might even be a bluebird on my shoulder. Everything is possible after tonight. The promise of exciting things to do, bears leave their caves and humans leave their houses. None of your creeping behaviour, stamping on fun at 4.30pm, it's time, Dear Darkness, to go to sleep, the rest of the world is waking up. Sunrise arrives like a yawn, I don't care about the sleep I've lost, the pay off sweetens the deal. Sunny days, swinging in hammocks, make naps an altogether more attractive promise.

Please don't feel unloved or unwanted, when the time is right you'll wake up and it will be red wine and log fires all round, until then, take your place at the back of the line, find yourself a nice pillow and close your lids. Swallowed whole by your own sweet self. Darkness, your work is done for now, night, night...

Yours sincerely,

The Hardest Word...

Dear Forgiveness,

You've been on my mind lately. I'm wondering if it's ever really possible to move on from something if I don't utilise you.

Now I have never really been one to hold a grudge, and such is my attention span that all it takes is a a new distraction to make me forget about an old one, but, is that really forgiveness or just changing up the merchandise? Is it best to just let go and deny a person, or, to accept an apology with a nod and a smile knowing it will never be the same, but that at least now you know the rules, you've decided their game isn't one you want to play anyway? Sometimes you have to accept an apology to help yourself. Now, where did I leave my white flag...

Yours sincerely,

Perhaps Not...

Dear Snooty Yoga Teacher,

I'm sorry we were 15 minutes "late". You did in fact tell us the class started at 6.15, so when we got there at 6.00, in my mind, we were early. I probably am juvenile, but then, I don't know too many people who could walk into a room with 15 groins facing them and not find that amusing. When you said the class was suitable for beginners, I didn't realise beginners meant advanced in your world and since I appear to not be fluent in Yoga tongue, I ended up playing a game of twister with myself. I found this funny. The only thing funnier than laughing when you are not supposed to, is laughing in church when you are not supposed to. Sorry Sister Katherine, but all these years later that still remains with me, and is probably why it's for the best I haven't set foot in a church since I was 18, funerals/weddings/christenings excluded. I'm hoping that doesn't affect my statutory rights.

Than you for informing me you were separating me and my friend so we would benefit more from your class, the only way I could have really benefitted from your class, was if I hadn't gone. The giggling was, in fact, the most relaxing part. The attitude you gave me? I could have done without, I found it less than relaxing.

I won't be returning to your class, but perhaps you should in fact attend one of your own classes or at the very least try a bigger pair of lycra pants, the current ones appear to be right in a twist, along with your stress levels. Remember, it's all in the breathing...

Yours sincerely,

In Through The Nose...

Dear Lungs,

We are off to the countryside. Oxygen and looking for things other people do not want is the order of the day. We get to breath in fume free air and hopefully the delicious smell that goes hand in hand with little shops, selling items of great beauty with greater history, in hidden streets somewhere in a secret village. Afterwards we get to walk on the beach, be prepared for the screams you will have to release when toes spots the water. It's too early for some, but a dab of icy ocean never hurt anyone really. We've been to 19 cities in the last four weeks, but always on someone else's schedule, so two days in the countryside on our own time, should allow for you to breath easy.

I can feel Shoulders starting to loosen already, and Thoughts? Well he started to wind down the moment the booking was confirmed. Eyes are excited at the prospect of having the time to read a whole newspaper and dabble with a book, but mostly Eyes are delirious about the thought of becoming heavy and waking up to a breakfast that makes him wide again. Mouth is ready to water and savour, not wolf like he usually does, in his endless battle with time. Time is what we have this weekend Lungs, it's on our side, so let's make the most of it and exhale...

Yours sincerely,

Merci...

Dear Self,

Happy Birthday! The best, best, best thing about birthdays? When you strip away all the gifts, cards, phone calls, cocktails and general spoiling, you find yourself left with an extraordinary bunch of friends who took the time to make you feel very loved indeed...

Yours sincerely,

Say Cheese...

Dear Polaroid Film,

I have been to 19 cities in four weeks. I have looked everywhere. I have looked where I am supposed to and where I am not supposed to. I left no stone uncovered, no stairs unclimbed, no river uncrossed and still, still you elude me. I miss you more than my last boyfriend...

Yours sincerely,

Row, Row, Row Your Boat...

Dear Vikings,

You are very tall. I am tall, but not as tall as you. What is all this talk of rape and pillage? History needs to catch up on itself, ever since we arrived in Scandinavia, doors have been opened, items have been carried, kindness has been dispensed and chivalry has made itself be known. I was worried about chivalry for a while, he appeared to be very poorly or maybe he just stopped being expected. I'm so glad to know he's merely been playing hide and seek, here in the North.

I haven't seen any longboats but there appears to be enough bicycles for everyone. I love bicycles, anything that makes people feel young again and willing to play, is always worth investing in. They also make me think of Summertime, good friends, picnics, outdoor swims, not forgetting ice cream, mercy, don't ever forget the ice cream. I am currently jealous of anyone who holds a North American passport, we have to wait one more week for our extra daylight, whilst our transatlantic friends get to yap on about the stretch in the evening and perhaps remove the first of many layers. Still, the sun that has come out in the Nordic playground shall keep me going until I get to time travel next weekend.

I looked up the word Viking, apparently in old Norse it means to go on an expedition, it struck a chord, now if only I could find my longboat...

Yours sincerely,

Sing When You're Winning...

Dear Songs,

Sometimes I feel bad for you. You were only ever written with the purest of intentions, how tv shows hijacked you in the name of wrecking someone's dream is beyond me. Once upon a time people sang because it made them happy, because they had a story that needed telling, now a lot of people sing because it makes them famous, the hands of a marketing machine placing a firm stranglehold on any individuality, one size fits all, do not pass go, do not collect 200 pounds. I hate that an old man with questionable taste in trousers gets to tell a 17 year old that they can't sing, nor should they. Stomping on a dream before it's even begun to flourish. Would it be so hard to tell the same person to go away and practice, persevere, work hard and never give up? I guess you could say that, but then the lions wouldn't have their christians.

Back in the day, people sang about love with no fear, hell, Etta james would rather have gone blind, blind I tell you, than see her man walk away. Now we sing about how no one hurts us and we don't need anybody at all. How wrong we got it and how sad it must make you feel, dear songs.

All is not lost for you sweet songs, those of us who truly love you will always seek out an original, not a modern made for tv idol, but a real one, made of vinyl, lying dusty at the bottom of the box in the shop at the end of the arcade, you know the one. People will cram themselves into vans so tiny, even though their guitarist's foot might be up their arse and they find themselves wearing a cymbal for a bonnet, just to tell their tales. These are our real idols, and songs? They might just be the ones to save you...

Yours sincerely,

It's All In The Wrapping...

Dear Coat,

We appear to have found each other just in time for spring. How you made it through 50 years of living without a single soul every strutting down the street with you upon their shoulders is beyond me. One woman’s travesty is truly another woman’s golden ticket. It’s funny I found you in Amsterdam, everyone else was off doing the things people do in Amsterdam, but me and my trusty ipod embarked upon a treasure hunt, looking for clues and cardigans and there you appeared. I have laid you down upon the bed, I may have to sleep on the floor. It seems a shame to put you on something as crude as a hanger. You are virgin wool after all and must be handled with care.

We have a week or so before we get to go home, I felt the right thing to do was buy you a travelling companion, so that sweet little knitted cape should stop you missing home too much. You were after all, side by side in the shop. It seemed a shame to separate you. Wrenching you apart felt like putting one of you in foster care, rest assured my friend, you have found a home for life…

Yours sincerely,