Thursday, July 16, 2009

Bzzzz Off...

Dear Mosquitoes,

The gloves are off. In the twisted world of Karma, somehow you little bastards forgot the rules. See I don't eat animals so ere go animals should not eat me, n'est pas? They should not gather together in some kind of blood lust orgy at my neck. I should not feel a little bit like Keanu Reeves in Dracula. In fact perish the thought, one should never feel like Keanu Reeves, but you're bringing out my inner Neo. I'm looking for the leathers and ugly sunglasses and I'm getting into training.

On some levels, I could cope with my neck but when you went for the face? Well you picked the wrong vegetarian. For two days, I looked like I had the measles. The bite on the bridge of my nose was particularly fetching, all the boys said so. In fact right after I finish writing to you I have to R.S.V.P. the 7 marriage proposals I received as a result of your handy work, oh no wait, for two days I could have given the elephant man a run for his money.

Then you took it a step further, you bit my nipple. I mean what sort of depraved creature bites a girls nipple without buying her dinner first? No chocolates? No flowers? Just straight down and dirty and they say romance is dead....

You should know, because in the interest of fair play I at least am giving you a warning, I am poison. The wicked Queen wishes she had my shiz to put in her apples. Sweet relief thy name is deet, I am doused and ready to go, seconds away round two...

Yours sincerely,


  1. Well you are obviously a tasty one. my boy and my brother both are so the rest of the family use them as a decoy. We sit unharmed while they get eaten - crazy who can comment on taste preferences that mozzies has???

  2. I am also mosquito bait. Hate the little bastards. I wish I had a tip or trick to share, but I am sitting here, covered in bumps from head to toe. Clearly the wrong person to give advice.

  3. Can't stand DEET so go the route of covering every available surface with clothes.

    Creepiest part is they inject anesthetic before sucking your blood so you don't feel them till it is too late (unless you happen to see them in which case smash!)

    Cow wishing you good window screens! Moo!

  4. heh heh, die you little suckers. It's that awful whining noise they make that I hate, and then when it stops, you know they're somewhere about your person and have to suddenly start flapping around wildly to shift 'em.

  5. I'm sure it would doom some ecological something or other, but I would be perfectly happy if all mosquitos just DISAPPEARED from the face of the planet!! Bastards.

  6. Misery loves company, thank you my friends, in a warped way it's good to know there are people who despise them as much as I x

  7. nicely written post
    good reading