Sunday, May 31, 2009

What's The Beef...?

Dear Steak,

I didn't think you could have this power over me but I know you've seen me looking. It's strange, but for nigh on 14 years I have not eaten you at all. I haven't even wanted you. Not for me the teasings of your lesser cousins, bacon and sausages, there were no moments of weakness as everyone gathered at Christmas and doled out the turkey. You, you are the only one who can turn my head, and by turn, I mean I make that chick from the exorcist look like a total try hard wannabe head turner warming up for yoga. I was happy with my lot and I munched away happily on non meaty treats and only five years ago introduced my sea dwelling friends back onto my plate. But meat? No thank you. But Steak, you aren't even meat are you? It's like comparing a boy to a man? A peasant to a Princess? A - oh Jesus I could go on all day....

Basically, lately, lately I find myself staring at you steak. In a lascivious, wrap my lips around you and share you with no one kind of way. When you appear on the plate of a friend, I quash the evil impulse to knock out my dinner companion with a spade and when they come round tell them a careless waiter dropped a tray on their head. Yes, you may have thought it was me, but trust me, your concussed, severely, and possibly anaemic, here, lets order you another steak.... I think about when they excuse themselves for the bathroom about whether I could, a), finish their steak in that time and b), make it seem plausible that a giant wolf ran into the restaurant and ate their supper as they powdered their nose. I was of course rendered helpless as the rest of the pack had me surrounded. Funnily enough my aubergine parmigiana didn't seem to interest them, you know how fussy these wolves are, tricky little bastards too, sure remember the one who pretended to be the little girls granny? Lets count ourselves lucky...

I wonder where this urge has come from, why at this time has my inner cave woman risen from her slumber? I don't think I'm ready to consume you just yet, but you are on my mind, I just thought you should know...

Yours sincerely,


  1. You are a pillar of strength (Diary nods in the general direction of your anchor post) to have resisted steak's meaty goodness all these years. But you are healthier,more heart-strong and lighter on your feet because of it. I haven't the will to give up the charred flesh of cloven hoofed animals, but I admire the ability to do so in others.

  2. I'm sure if I just eat a protein bar I'll be fine.....can you eat protein bars with peppercorn sauce?

  3. Hi there,

    No meat for me thanks, even the look of it made me yes, dairy yes, but not red meat...I love eggplant parmigiana...

    Happy days

  4. I couldn't give up meat. I think any sort of vegetarianism is fine if that is your thing. Me? Send that filet out medium rare please...

  5. I always thought that once a vegetarian, always a vegetarian. I tried to go veggie once, but it turned out to be too difficult. I love fish.

    You should definitely give climbing another go. I'll post some pics when I come back from Chamonix in August. To tempt you.

  6. Just thinking about "mad Cow disease" is enough to depress the appetite.

    Leafy greens, Leafy greens, are the way to go!


  7. Last time that happened to me (lusting after steak) I found out I was pregnant. It was my body craving it. And yes, I broke my vegetarianism. It was delicious.

  8. I could easily have become a vegetarian if I could resist steak and chicken and sausage and fish...
    LOL to the wolf story...they would have bought it, the poor saps!!

  9. I've been a vegan for about 5 years now, and the craving has come to me- to possibly taste animal by-products, but after a while I remember how gross it digests and makes my body feel.Which in turn takes away any craving.

    But it has been quite a while since I've had that kind of craving.

    BTW Good post!

  10. You could so totally get away with the wolf story.

    The smell of bacon cracked me many years ago I'm afraid ...

  11. Craving has subsided, all is right with the world, pass de humous on de left hand side!

  12. that read like a love story :-)... or at least an infatuation.

    thanks for the giggle
    best wishes