Saturday, April 25, 2009

7 Chances...

Dear Snow White,

We need to talk. Men who kiss you without your knowledge whilst you are sleeping are not the sort of men you should marry. Yes he's handsome, yes his name is Charming, but he took terrible advantage. In any other world a man kissing a drugged up girl would be arrested. He most certainly wouldn't be a Prince, I'm thinking footballer, check his credentials.

I realise you had a few issues with your parents, your lovely mum died, your father unable to cope by himself replaces her with a wicked step mother/very bored Queen. I mean really, when you're a Queen and you pass your time making knock off rohypnol to pass to younger prettier girls in the hope that your mirror will tell you you are the fairest, things aren't looking good for the kingdom. She also appears to be sampling her own wares, a talking mirror, step way from the apples...Not to mention she told the hunter to bring back your heart and liver as proof of your demise, you really need to have a word with your Dad. Disney made it sound sweeter, but really they weren't called The Brothers Grimm for nothing.

Anyway, I digress, I think you need to look inside yourself, I think you need to remember there were seven, count them, seven men, who took care of you the whole time you were knocked out. They took you in, they fed you, they protected you, they never copped a feel while you were sleeping. They may not be big in stature but I think their hearts speak for themselves...

Yours sincerely,

17 comments:

  1. You know, it always bothered me that the seven dwarves just got completely snubbed by the princess. Lameness.

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  2. Clearly, she is biased against little people. Tramp.

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  3. seriously. this blog makes my day.
    and makes me wish i was had written it.

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  4. Walter - Women!

    Dana's Brain - She judged a book by it's cover and ended up with a man who makes out with unconscious women, lesson learned...

    Krista - thank you so very much, that is very sweet of you.

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  5. I'm useless today, so I'm seconding Krista & Dana's comments.

    xoxo

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  6. Lisa - I find when feeling useless on a Sunday morning there is a lot to be said for bloody marys!

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  7. You know,I do think you're a genius...

    But ain't that always the way? When they like you... you just don't like them. Poor dwarfies.. Well at least they had the whistling to lift the spirits.

    plus hahahaha @ step away from the apples!

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  8. Yes, I think you are a genius too. Snow White needs to get with the programme. Not copping a feel when you're sleeping is underrated as a good quality in a partner.

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  9. If only poor snow had recieved your letter before she got stuck in that questionable marriage

    Meanwhile, thanks for the 411 on the Brangeline situation. I keep forgetting about the whip-age. Golden couples should not fly

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  10. I KNOW!! I always thought that was creepy. Sleeping Beauty too. You KNOW Charming has been around. you just KNOW IT. what if she got herpes because of that A-hole? Maybe if she didn't dress like such a whore she wouldn't be attracting the wrong kind.

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  11. Flora - And vice versa when you like them, they don't like you...if only whistling was a cure for unrequited love!

    Monk - Consenting adults all round!

    pixelhazard - thank you so much for stoppin by and welcome, welcome, welcome!

    peewee - OOOh harsh, but even if she'd been wearing a wetsuit and flippers he still would have tried it on!

    Roshni - a lot to be said for older, polite men who look after you...

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  12. Other Mikey's Julie28 April 2009 at 00:40

    I have no words. I only follow 2 blogs and just occasionally stumble from there onto another's. I rarely visit twice. I found you today and sadly for my limited free time, I am hooked. Your writing and mind are quirky in such a perfect way. We always get fooled by the Prince Charmings and rarely cherish our dwarves.

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  13. Haha, where do you find the ideas for such interesting post subjects?! You're such a witty little thing, I love it.

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  14. Other Mikey's Julie - Thank you so much for your lovely kind words about my blog it made me smile on a difficult work day, so thank you and welcome.

    Katieleigh - I work with a lot of men and sometimes when the conversation gets very manly a girl needs to drift off!

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  15. I love this. I have wondered this very thing to myself the last time I reread the grimm tales (I love me some fairy stories). But your spin just made my morning.

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  16. agirl - They are really dark tales but I too love a good fairy story, thank you for your lovely comments.

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