Monday, November 15, 2010

Scratch Mine...

Dear "Friends",

Ask me for what you want but let's not dress it up as concern. Let's just come straight out with it, can I get you the thing you want? It's the most obvious way to get me to say yes.

Please don't ask me a bundle of other questions you have no desire to know the answer to, please don't fake concern, please don't pretend that after a few years of no contact you just wanted to see how I am, when, what you really wanted was a perk of my job. It's beyond insulting. I'm pretty smart, if you'd kept in touch you'd know that.

Yours sincerely,


  1. i think this is, all around, a good form letter for friends. period.
    and wait, perks?
    we should be friends.

  2. oh yeah - I just deleted my facebook account as it is such an evil form of what you are talking about. So don't miss it - been ignoring it for over a year but it pleases me to know it is gone. Strangers have to actually try hard to find me. hope your friends feel perkless and thoughtful rather than obvlivious.

  3. I should clarify, my actual friends are the sweetest, nicest, smartest bunch a gal could ask for, I'm very lucky indeed.

  4. yeah sorry - forgot the inverted commas there - what a two feet in mouth moment that was!