Paging Gene Kelly...

Dear Constant, Incessant, Relentless, Rain,

I've got Point Break and Blue Hawaii on rotation. I've taken the legs off the ironing board, filled the bath and installed a small propeller by the taps, not to mention the massive halogen bulb I've placed above the sink. I've turned the heating up to 90 and have stolen my housemates board shorts, which, I am currently dismantling on my sewing machine, as mid calf is sooo not a good length, at least on shorts, on Joan? Well on Joan, it is of course, perfection.

I have taught myself the Hoola, eaten ice cream whilst holding an umbrella, whispered in my own ear, (no small achievement) this is just a wee shower in the face of clouds that are milliseconds from dropping locusts and toads, to complete the apocalypse. I have returned a mere two weeks and I can feel my spirit withering, like the over watered plants in the back garden. This feels like the worlds longest game of hide and seek between the Sun and I. I have to be honest Rain, I'm beginning to suspect foul play on your part, no need to call Jessica Fletcher just yet, at least not before I speak to Colonel Mustard. Did I mention I have Point Break and Blue Hawaii on rotation? Only Swayze and Elvis combined, can save me now...

Yours sincerely,