Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Pick On Someone Else...

Dear Toothpick,

Please remove yourself from the hand of my dinner companion. Kindly stop digging at their gums whilst I try to finish my ice cream. Do the decent think and take a flying run off the table and make a break for the door. You belong in a bathroom, private and unobtrusive, discretion is key. Do you remember Vivian in Pretty Woman? Even she of the thigh highs and blow jobs had the decency to take herself off to remove strawberries seeds from her teeth, thus making herself an poster child for good oral hygiene and streetwalking at the same time, overachieving, multi tasking at it's finest. Yeah, she rescues him right back.

You really have no business stabbing away for the viewing displeasure of others. If you cannot find it in your heart to comply, then I shall be left with no other option than to gouge my own eyes out with you, so that I may enjoy my ice cream in peace...

Yours sincerely,


  1. yeah, I hate it when people do that...along with loudly blowing their noses into tissues in public too!! Please!! I cannot stand that sound of snot gushing out!! Can you please do it in private?!?!?

  2. oh indeed - what do people think - not so far removed from picking at any random orifice really. Is that an exageration or is it just my agreement with the 'orribleness of toothpicking?

  3. What is up with toothpicking ? Reminds me of the colleague who flossed at his desk....Great letters and love the Lou Reed video !....Learned about your insightful and fun blog from DG @ Diary of a Mad Bathroom

  4. Ha hilarious! It is a pretty gross thing to do in public.