Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Dinner And A Movie...

Dear Drunk Males Who Shout Vulgar Things At Females In The Street,

No I won't be stopping for a chat. Thank you, but I am going to have to decline your offer of putting that in my mouth. Nope, I don't find the smell of beer/kebab/vomit attractive. Your comment about my chest will never make me want to go home with you. Slapping me on the bottom, funnily enough, frightens me. As does two of your friends blocking my way so you can tell me how fit I am, this is not a compliment. I think when you urinate in the street you have never looked more attractive, really, chicks dig it.

Under no cirumstances is chanting football songs in my face considered poetry. Screaming at your friend that he is a wanker isn't really my idea of a mating call, perhaps if you were to beat your chest and swing from a tree I might find it more so, but that's slightly offensive to monkeys... Wow, that blob of phlegm you hacked up is burning a whole in the pavement, but let's be clear, that does not make it a super power. My disinterest in you does not make me a lesbian, but if you are my other option, bring on the sapphic sisterhood...

Yours sincerely,


  1. that must have been frightening. Hope you are okay?

  2. all good sweetie thank you, it's an amalgamation of Saturday nights in big cities, events that have happened to me and various friends on various nights out, triggered by some moron who was being inappropriate as I went for a walk this evening x

  3. What makes these men believe that they are such gifts to female kind that being a rude, lewd dude will draw us to them like flies to honey. I'm with you sister, this hetero would also take a hen before a rooster in that scenario.

  4. I don't know... I'm wondering if your standards may be a wee bit high. There's probably a reason you're single, huh?

  5. What a miserable lot. But I think you just described the entire football team in some towns.

  6. DG - amen!

    Vegas Linda Lou - I never thought of it like that, pass the kebab, I'm going dancing, yee haw!

    Lisa - Depressing isn't it? sigh...