Thursday, March 12, 2009

Ever Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight...

Dear Batman,

I wish you'd come and rescue me. I'm trapped in various hotel rooms for the next 7 weeks and all you can do is prance about on the telly with Vicky Vale. Honestly all she does is scream and look good in red lipstick. I look good in red lipstick, but I rarely scream. I also never wear white when it's raining or go to dinner with men who have green hair, a ropey smile and dance badly to Prince. It is almost impossible to dance badly to Prince, unless your Bill Oddie, but that's another story...

I wouldn't require you to jump off a building to save me because I had stupidly wandered down an alley way, (especially when there is a perfectly well lit, busy street, for my tootsies to trot along) and I most certainly wouldn't take photographs of you getting your arse kicked whilst protecting me after I had done this. I'm more likely to pick up a plank and hit the bad guy from behind. I would sincerely hope the word "conk" appears in a brightly lit speech bubble, accompanied of course, with appropriate comedy sound effect. I wouldn't even ask any awkward questions about Robin. I'd just like to go for a ride in your car and check out your belt, maybe afterwards, we could have tea with Alfred....Alfred's cool...

Yours sincerely,

10 comments:

  1. Alfred is cool. Potentially more of a badass than Batman himself.

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  2. Hotel rooms for 7 weeks! Wow!

    By the way, when you are riding around in the Batmobile, please stop by and pick up Topiary, who has always wanted to cruise in that thing.

    Will promise not to moon anyone with shocking displays of Topiary from the back seat.

    Moo!

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  3. Walter - Agreed, Batman vs Alfred = no competition.

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  4. Cow - By week two of hotels I reckon I will build my own Batmobile, you are of course welcome!

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  5. Very cool letter, seriously, if he doesn't turn up then I don't know what he's thinking... on the other hand he may be busy doing some field work... you may be better off sending him a text.

    Polly
    x

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  6. Topiary now building a pretty green thumb with which to hitchhike a ride from Letters home-made batmobile, which, presumably, will include lots of towels and soap, since it's been made in hotel rooms.

    (Cow fluffing Topiary importantly, impressed that she will rate a ride)

    Moo!

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  7. Polly, sent the text, still waiting, I did however have lunch with Robin....

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  8. Cow, Operation build your own Batmobile is almost complete, in need of two more toothbrushes, some awful teabags and a comb, new hotel just around the corner....

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  9. I never comment but I always read and honestly this blog should be made into a series of books. Ooh and they could be illustrated. Oh please please please make a book! :) funniest part of my day

    Alice xxx

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  10. Thank you Alice, you've made my day with that comment!

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