Disgracebook...

Dear People Who Tag Really Awful Pictures Of Their Friends,

No one, I repeat, no one, ever wants to see a really ugly, unflattering picture of their person on the internet, no matter how funny you think it is. I do not want everyone who knows me, to see what I do, all the time. Every party, every drink, every stumble, every adventure, every kiss, every hug, every bad date, every good date, every in joke, every country walk, every city rampage, every moment that I thought was between us and just us alone.

I do not need to have your camera in my face at any given moment of the evening. I do not need to stop what I'm doing so you can take a picture. I do not need to repeat what I've just done because you're stupid camera phone didn't get the shot. I most certainly do not need to act naturally while you do it.

I appreciate I could just come off Facebook, the thing is though, and I hope you understand, my job takes me away a lot and I love looking at my peoples pictures, their weddings, their birthdays, their holidays, their special days they wanted to share, but let's have a little etiquette here. I have one chin, that's all, one, that particular angle gave me six, tagging that, the week after we break up, this is not how I want him to see me. I had the flu, I was tired, yet somehow, you made me look like I needed The Betty Ford Clinic. He's my cousin, he's my brother, he's my best friends boyfriend, he's my boss, he's my room mate, he, he is my Dad! It is not a succession of lovers that could get me a job in Nevada.

I dread the words so and so tagged a picture of you, appearing in my inbox, particularly if it's there in the morning. I'm lucky, my friends are international, it means there's always someone to talk to. I'm unlucky my friends are international, it means someone always sees it before I wake up...

Facebook, reacquainting you with old friends and reminding you why you lost touch in the first place...

Yours sincerely,