Juuuuuump...

Dear Australian Spiders,

I see no need for us to be enemies. I have been here three days and I must say I like your country a lot. I don't mean to be unfriendly but please don't come anywhere near me, don't look at me, walk past me, and I realise I'm beginning to sound like a Prince style diva here, (I said I like my coffee stirred anti clockwise!), come into my room, jump at me, bite me or most importantly kill me, please.

I am happy for us to not become acquainted at all as I don't wish to spend my days perched on a chair or dying on the toilet because of a bite on the bottom. On the plus side, some Peter Parker style powers could come in useful and who doesn't like a lycra onesie? In return for this, I promise not to scream, I am not really a screamer, but, when tested I could make your ears bleed. Do spiders even have ears? Perhaps I should read this letter aloud...In any event, please cast one of your multiple eyes over it...

Yours sincerely,