Monday, January 05, 2009

I Second That Emoticon...

Dear Inventor of Emoticons,

I hate emoticons. I realise this is astonishingly rude of me to begin a letter to you in such harsh fashion, perhaps if a small yellow face, crying, were to appear at the end of the sentence, it would soften the blow? Then again, maybe not. Perhaps if I added one of these symbols to my communication, you would take it seriously because obviously use of the word hate, is not a clear enough indication of the depth of loathing I have inside me, for your stupid assortment of any emotion, one size fits all, yellow faces, that have infiltrated my phone and hi-jacked my Internet.

Your hideous faces have destroyed my friendship, more than the fact she slept with my boyfriend. They actually stop me forgiving people, no really they do, because there at the end of a heartfelt, beautifully written and well thought out apology which has eased my very soul, restored my faith in human nature and made me think everyone deserves a second chance, is a small winking face. An emoticon, to give it it's true title. This is followed by a series of sympathetic messages, from various friends, who have not slept with my boyfriend, but somehow felt the need to make me hate them also, with the addition of an assortment of smiling, winking, laughing, crying, angry discs and however many times you call them an emoticon, will never, ever register the true emotion of a hug, or a phone call, or a cup of coffee for that matter.

All they really do is diminish vocabulary and allow people to hide what they want to say, because after all it's cute and what's not to love about cute? I'm 40 minutes late, your waiting outside and it's snowing, but it's okay, because look, there's a smiling face on the end of my message. I'm sorry your dad died, but see how in touch with you I am? My emoticon is crying. I don't know if we're just friends or going to be lovers, so lets clear it up with a little winking man. You're pregnant and have no idea who the father is? Ooh my emoticon is surprised, just look at his mouth, would you just look at it? When there are no words, perhaps it is just better to say nothing....

Yours sincerely,

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