I'm Passed Out In Your Garden...

Dear Kings of Leon,

You should thank the pigeons really. You should praise them for coming to the rescue. I had the misfortune of seeing you a couple of days later and I wish the pigeons had been the homing type. I wish they'd swept in and made things a little more interesting. Your sex is on fire? I beg to differ little ladies.

When did the dirty, skinny, sexy boys, singing about losing their erections (I long for the days of "soft", lyrically speaking...), turn into Bryan Adams? Perhaps the pigeon poo weakened you, for it seems you no longer have the strength to open a bottle of water, thank the lord a technician was on hand to help out. You are two steps away from a full on Mariah Carey.

I don't even like pigeons, but these days, I prefer them to Kings...

Yours sincerely,

Dangle All Day, Dangle All Night...

Dear Carrot,

I am nobody's donkey...

Yours sincerely,