Dear Paul Victor De Seze,
"While it is true that the mind is common to all human beings" wrote Paul Victor De Seze "the active employment thereof is not conducive to all. For women, in fact, this activity can be quite harmful. Because of their natural weakness, greater brain activity in women would exhaust all the other organs and thus disrupt their proper functioning. Above all however, it would be the generative organs which would be the most fatigued and endangered through the over exertion of the brain". Hmmm, thinking cracks your eggs?
Now, me being me, I wanted to check you out. I realise, I was playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette with my fertility by doing this, as some of your words may have contained more than two whole syllables.... but pull the trigger and call me Natasha, I wanted to know more about you. Turns out, whilst you may have been a tad misogynistic, you did an awful lot of good AND you were born in St Emilion, the home of my favourite red wine. Good red wine and helping deaf kids? If this were a game of cards, then you just trumped my ovaries. Damn you. Anyway, I've started reading more about you and now you've introduced me to a few more names I don't recognise, and as I don't like being stupid + I do love to google = problem solved. Yeah, I solved that all by myself and I wore lipstick while I did it, stick that in your pipe Paul Victor De Seze....
Yours sincerely,
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Huston, We Do Not Have A Problem...
Dear Anjelica,
Oh Anjelica, let me count the ways I love thee. Maybe it's the fact your personal style blows any of today's young bland starlets so far out of the water they could be sitting on top of the Bellagio. Maybe it's because your finely tuned performances in so many films, remind me of a time when people strove to be good at something, as opposed to just being famous.
Maybe it's your torrid love affairs with inappropriate men that tell me, even when it looks like someone has everything, they do not, in fact, have everything. Maybe it's the fact you didn't buckle under the pressure of a famous family and produced a body of work in your own right that you can be proud of(we'll ignore The Adam's Family, nice save with Life Aquatic though),instead of spending the trust fund and talking about how you could have been a contender, you were probably too busy polishing your Oscar for that sort of chat.
Maybe it's because you chose to grow older with grace and not inject your face with tonnes of poison. Maybe it's because you occupy your time with creating new work, writing and directing, thereby proving women in the entertainment industry need not be put out to pasture once they blow out 40 candles. Maybe it's because you and Grace Coddington hung out all the time. Maybe, just maybe, it's because tall girls with strong features like to see other tall girls with strong features, dainty we ain't, different we are. Maybe it's all of the above combined, regardless, Anjelica, I salute you...
Yours sincerely,
Oh Anjelica, let me count the ways I love thee. Maybe it's the fact your personal style blows any of today's young bland starlets so far out of the water they could be sitting on top of the Bellagio. Maybe it's because your finely tuned performances in so many films, remind me of a time when people strove to be good at something, as opposed to just being famous.
Maybe it's your torrid love affairs with inappropriate men that tell me, even when it looks like someone has everything, they do not, in fact, have everything. Maybe it's the fact you didn't buckle under the pressure of a famous family and produced a body of work in your own right that you can be proud of(we'll ignore The Adam's Family, nice save with Life Aquatic though),instead of spending the trust fund and talking about how you could have been a contender, you were probably too busy polishing your Oscar for that sort of chat.
Maybe it's because you chose to grow older with grace and not inject your face with tonnes of poison. Maybe it's because you occupy your time with creating new work, writing and directing, thereby proving women in the entertainment industry need not be put out to pasture once they blow out 40 candles. Maybe it's because you and Grace Coddington hung out all the time. Maybe, just maybe, it's because tall girls with strong features like to see other tall girls with strong features, dainty we ain't, different we are. Maybe it's all of the above combined, regardless, Anjelica, I salute you...
Yours sincerely,
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Killing Me Softly...
Dear Sara Lund's Jumper,
I feel like you broke up with me.
I watched you for twenty episodes, I saw you chase the bad guy, take on the suits, get kidnapped, fail, dust yourself off and get right back on the horse. I watched you keep her warm as she eyeballed potential suspect after potential suspect and now, now you are gone. I invested in 20, yes 20, hours of you and now you leave my life and I am bereft. No more sweet, cosy, jumper shall I covet thee as I spend far too much of my time off watching you on catch up tv.
Oh jumper, it breaks my heart to think of you stuffed in a wardrobe room somewhere in Denmark, still at least you'll be warm. If I keep you on my screen saver does that qualify as stalking and warrant an investigation? What's Danish for 999..?
Yours sincerely.
I feel like you broke up with me.
Oh jumper, it breaks my heart to think of you stuffed in a wardrobe room somewhere in Denmark, still at least you'll be warm. If I keep you on my screen saver does that qualify as stalking and warrant an investigation? What's Danish for 999..?
Yours sincerely.
I Hate Mantras...
Dear Self,
No one's opinion of you should ever have the power to alter the one you have of yourself, now, kindly remember that. Nobody move, nobody gets hurt...
Yours sincerely,
No one's opinion of you should ever have the power to alter the one you have of yourself, now, kindly remember that. Nobody move, nobody gets hurt...
Yours sincerely,
Monday, March 21, 2011
One Way Or Another...
Dear Males,
Oh yes, it happened, the first casualty of the Spring season, I saw it, walking down the street, like a braying donkey in a field of stallions. Dear males, dear, sweet, sweet, males, there is never; read it again, never, an excuse to wear three quarter length trousers. This time of year sees them seep into the wardrobe of the sartorially challenged (please see footballers casual wear should a diagram be required). Still, at least it was paired with a tight fitting pale lemon t-shirt that gave him nipples not unlike a gobstopper…
I care not for the tribal tattoo caressing your shin, it offends my eyes and insults my very soul; Pamela Anderson has a tribal tattoo. The shin has not, nor will it ever be an erogenous zone, no woman ever threw her knickers in the air at the sight of a pair of three quarter length maharishi trousers. Hard to believe as it may be, an embroidered dragon snaking it’s way up your leg to rest it’s weary head on your left buttock, is the equivalent of hitting the female erection with a teaspoon. I cry foul, and when I say foul I mean why does the eye not pop out of the head so it may caressed with an eraser to remove the images that burn my retina so, a design fault indeed Monsieur Darwin. I am loathe to refer to them as trousers, trousers caress the ankle and frame a fabulous shoe, trousers tell me you mean business, trousers tell me you know your The Kooples from your K Mart, trousers tell me you will always remove your socks first so that I may be spared the sight of you in your drawers and socks. Drawers and socks, it ain’t no fish and chips in terms of lexicon. There’s a reason for this.
A three quarter length trouser always instills in me the fear of a formidable mother, for what grown man would pick these because he liked them? Are you there Norman, come in it’s me, Mrs. Bates, time to get dressed love, let me just take the hem up with my knife. I beg of you Dear Males, pick long or pick short, but stop with the in between, you can’t have it both ways and sometimes when you try, you just come off looking silly, like so many other things in life...
Yours sincerely,
Oh yes, it happened, the first casualty of the Spring season, I saw it, walking down the street, like a braying donkey in a field of stallions. Dear males, dear, sweet, sweet, males, there is never; read it again, never, an excuse to wear three quarter length trousers. This time of year sees them seep into the wardrobe of the sartorially challenged (please see footballers casual wear should a diagram be required). Still, at least it was paired with a tight fitting pale lemon t-shirt that gave him nipples not unlike a gobstopper…
I care not for the tribal tattoo caressing your shin, it offends my eyes and insults my very soul; Pamela Anderson has a tribal tattoo. The shin has not, nor will it ever be an erogenous zone, no woman ever threw her knickers in the air at the sight of a pair of three quarter length maharishi trousers. Hard to believe as it may be, an embroidered dragon snaking it’s way up your leg to rest it’s weary head on your left buttock, is the equivalent of hitting the female erection with a teaspoon. I cry foul, and when I say foul I mean why does the eye not pop out of the head so it may caressed with an eraser to remove the images that burn my retina so, a design fault indeed Monsieur Darwin. I am loathe to refer to them as trousers, trousers caress the ankle and frame a fabulous shoe, trousers tell me you mean business, trousers tell me you know your The Kooples from your K Mart, trousers tell me you will always remove your socks first so that I may be spared the sight of you in your drawers and socks. Drawers and socks, it ain’t no fish and chips in terms of lexicon. There’s a reason for this.
A three quarter length trouser always instills in me the fear of a formidable mother, for what grown man would pick these because he liked them? Are you there Norman, come in it’s me, Mrs. Bates, time to get dressed love, let me just take the hem up with my knife. I beg of you Dear Males, pick long or pick short, but stop with the in between, you can’t have it both ways and sometimes when you try, you just come off looking silly, like so many other things in life...
Yours sincerely,
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Share The Love...
Dear Readers,
Well lookee, lookee here, the delightful *s* at Shine Little Light has given me an award. I would like to thank the academy...ahem...but mostly, in the spirit of this award I would like you to check out the three below.
The basic premise being, think of us, the little blogs, less then 300 followers, mine stands at a racy 69, (which my inner 14 year old boy finds endlessly amusing), being your local coffee shop, this way we support each other and go up against the big guys, the Starbucks of the blogging world if you like. You know, the blogs with 18,000 followers who talk about worming their cats, yeah, you know who you are...or maybe we're not going up against anyone? Maybe I just woke up feisty? Maybe it's just a nice way to let you know about some of my favourites? Not least being the delightful lady above who nominated me. The ones down the left sidebar are always worth a look too...
Seeds and Stitches Always informative, interesting and inspiring, me likee, me likee a lot.
Found,now home Never before has one blog been so responsible for making my tea loving, Irish heart, backflip.
Sighs and Whispers Oh where to start, suffice to say, where does she find these photos? Beautiful.
I hope you enjoy, I know I do...
Yours sincerely,
Well lookee, lookee here, the delightful *s* at Shine Little Light has given me an award. I would like to thank the academy...ahem...but mostly, in the spirit of this award I would like you to check out the three below.
The basic premise being, think of us, the little blogs, less then 300 followers, mine stands at a racy 69, (which my inner 14 year old boy finds endlessly amusing), being your local coffee shop, this way we support each other and go up against the big guys, the Starbucks of the blogging world if you like. You know, the blogs with 18,000 followers who talk about worming their cats, yeah, you know who you are...or maybe we're not going up against anyone? Maybe I just woke up feisty? Maybe it's just a nice way to let you know about some of my favourites? Not least being the delightful lady above who nominated me. The ones down the left sidebar are always worth a look too...
Seeds and Stitches Always informative, interesting and inspiring, me likee, me likee a lot.
Found,now home Never before has one blog been so responsible for making my tea loving, Irish heart, backflip.
Sighs and Whispers Oh where to start, suffice to say, where does she find these photos? Beautiful.
I hope you enjoy, I know I do...
Yours sincerely,
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