Piggy Bank...

Dear Epiphany,

Now that sleep and I appear to not be on speaking terms I have to say am enjoying your company. The wee small hours have become a time for over thinking and amusement. Tonight's findings are so simple I can almost hear you laughing.

Bad boys are predictable, good boys are not.

Bad boys can be relied upon to not call when they say they will, not show up, be rude, take their moods out on you, play games with you and make you cry, therefore, predictable, furthermore, boring.

Good boys will make it their business call you, do what they say they will, be polite, explain their moods, play games with you if you're really lucky...and spend their time coming up with ways to surprise you, therefore, never a dull moment, furthermore, desirable.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up the penny I just dropped...

Yours sincerely,

Lagging...

Dear Jet Lag,

Please stop devouring me. I have spent the last month working in America, fun times all round, but, in my absence, I fear you, my bed and my pillow have formed an unholy trinity. A sneaky alliance. What wicked whispers have you placed in the ear of my beloved pillow? What have you said to my bed for it to shun my embrace? Normally, you and I never hang out Jet Lag, until this point, you have always been relatively kind to me and so I fear I have upset you. Perhaps my fingers whipped you into a frenzy in order to return themselves to my oh so neglected keyboard.

I think the best thing about you is the wonderful conversations I have had with myself for four hours at a time in the middle of the night. I now know how to set the world to rights, can list all my flaws alphabetically, build a better mousetrap and at some point I may even start to unpack, although there hardly seems a point, we leave again in two more sleeps. Ah sleep, I remember you, unlike some of my previous lovers, you do your best work at night...

Yours sincerely,

Whistle...

Dear Assorted Famous People,

You are very rich, rich enough to afford a driver or at the very least a Taxi, please stop getting into your cars drunk. It's getting very boring...

Yours sincerely,

Is It A Cape...

Dear Assorted Super Heroes And Villains,

Where do you get your outfits from? Is there a special shop? Or are your most powerful gifts super creativity, darning and embroidery a bomb wouldn't shift? I was just wondering...

Yours sincerely,

Omar...

Dear Stylish Girl On The Street,

I love it. I love that on a day when the sun shone, the air was warm and the sky was blue, you wore your hat regardless. I love that your bonnet, whilst obviously old, was new to you and such was your love for it, nothing as simple as a warm sunny day would stop you giving it your best Lara a la Dr. Zhivago.

I salute you, as sometimes, not even seasons, can come between a girl and her pom poms...

Yours sincerely,

Billie Jean...

Dear Train,

I had to ride backwards today. I hate riding backwards, it feels like the world's longest moonwalk...

Yours sincerely,

Attention...

Dear Fool,

Here's the thing. You know women talk, we like to talk a lot. What you might not know, is that this forms friendships, beyond what you can imagine. We get close, very close, we look out for each other and contrary to what the media might try to have us all believe, as they pit the fairer sex against each other on a daily basis, we are loyal to each other, to the very bones. Don't even call it a sisterhood, it's offensive, it's friendship, in all it's laughter, hard times, great times, snots and tears, mischievous glory.

So, when you go behind our backs and try to undermine the very heart of it, know that it went from your lips, to her ear, to her mouth, to her telephone, to my ear. We are not some fucking interchangeable pieces of a jigsaw, in your mission to get laid. We do not think dumping all over your best friend, who has supported and loved you through your own battles, to get what you want is attractive. In fact package the outside however you like, your core is ugly.

You say you want to change, you say a lot of things, I just wish you meant one of them...

Yours sincerely,